3:00 AM

It is a little late to be up but I just have so much to say.
As soon as I start typing it is like all the hussel and bussel in my head suddenly vanishes..
I do not know how I feel about the new year. Because for once it means more than a night that I stay out late and have a good time. For once, it is the opportunity to end and start all over. Thanks to the atonement I can do that anytime, but for some reason the year 2013 stings. It stings because I have grown so much this year. I have had so many big events happen that it hurts it is over. This year I fell in love for my first time, this year I defeated the end of my senior year and graduated, this year I spent my summer in love with the man of my dreams, this year I moved out and started life on my own, this year I stepped into Utah Valley University with my head held high and my dreams ready to take flight, this year I had my heart smashed and vaporized, this year I learned to stand on my own two feet and love myself, I learned who I am this year and what I want, this year I lost my hero Bob Koch (my grandpa/best friend), this year I made friends who have changed who I am for the better, and this year I have learned that the atonement can really take all pain. Even the pain caused from losing loved ones. I am a daughter of a king, and I need to look at the new year in the eye and be brave. I can do this! I can let go of this year and have faith for the year to come. I will love again and achieve greatness.

Here is another one of my guilty pleasures, Alicia Cards poems, because I loved it so much.

After a while you learn

The subtle difference between

Holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren't countracts

And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman

Not the grief of a child.

And you learn 

To build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow's ground is

Too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way

Of falling down in mid flight.

After a while you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn 

That you really can endure

That you are really strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn and you learn

With every goodbye, you learn.